TRAVEL IN THE CARIBBEAN IS TORTURE!
By Professor Gilbert Morris
Mottled green and iridescent blue waters, swirling into creamy dreamscape freckled with evergreen pastoral nodes: islands, cays, islets…are an immediate thrill to the senses.
However, when travelling within and across the Caribbean, this tapestry of loveliness aforementioned, gives way first to stupidity, then cruelty, then demotic idiocies.
In fact and effect, travelling within and across the Caribbean reveals our self-abnegation: our careless disregard for each other, in the exhibition of which, it seems, there is no inconvenience or unconscionable stupidity we won’t impose on each other because of our utter lack of process intelligence.
Process intelligence is the knowledge of logistics, people movement and processing, to prevent triage or cascades; essentially the [sic] of a logistics process.
Countries with population, weather, elevation (mountains), languages (4-5 minimum) and currency…have little choice but to develop process intelligence. So Singapore and Hong Kong are small spaces with relatively large populations. Yet they can move 100,000 people through a process in 7 minutes. Jamaica, India and Brazil have large populations relatively speaking…in large spaces and yet are horrendous as processing people.
100,000 people may take two days. (Though, I confess, Jamaica learned something after its devastatingly barbarous start to airport throughput management during the first 5 months of COVID 19).
We encounter our own indulgence in cruelty in the manner in which we designed our cut n’ paste airports largely for planeing and deplaneing flights. Tourists come for the Sun, yet their flights are parked conveniently, 30 seconds from the arrival halls. But locals - more likely to be professionals, dressed for business - must walk 1000 meters in the blistering Sun, to enter an unfumigated, often frowsy, hot plane and sit as operators go casually about their inefficient paper-laden process; asking each other questions in bewilderment about things they do as routine every day…as they themselves sweat like feral Goats!
I flew from Jamaica to Providenciales, to Nassau. This was the “valley of the shadow of death”. Listen: there was not one single element or option or pretence of convenience in the entire trip. Rain or shine, you walk outside like herded Yaks. Some airports still retain the idiotic, absolutely useless processes which they copycatted after 911; such as removing one’s shoes and separating one’s laptops. We understand the regulations for entering America…that’s a different issue. But to impose these waste-of-time procedures (NO ONE UNDERSTANDS) for inter-island travel in the region is demonstrably ridiculous. No country in this region has the analytics to assess a laptop or shoes or a tub of Shea-butter!
One could understand if we eliminated the other logistical inconveniences and kept the ones we copied slavishly from America. But keeping both without regard to the suffering imposed on our own people travelling is demotic.
Once you’ve walked 1000 meters in the Sun, sweating like a mountain goat, and entered the barbecue pit which is the plane, the flights are quite comfy and the staff are sweet and lovely…not to mention to [sic] views out the window. But in my case…cause God mistook me for Job…sat next to me was a sweet lady. She had a TELEVISION…an entire flatscreen television…covering the window at our seat. She had one bag under the seat which appeared large enough to have three dead people in it. And another bag in her lap with enough bottles of lotion to moisturise all of Trinidad. When I sat…she said in the greatest understatement since Jesus shocked the Pharisees: “it’s kinda jam up”. “Indubitably” was my quite reply.
Once one lands in Providenciales…you walk back to Jamaica…that how long is the walk to the transit lounge.
WAIT! What am I talking about…THERE IS NO TRANSIT LOUNGE!
There is an accidental hallway, with a luggage scanner jammed into it like scaffolding in an elevator…and passengers - in the most cruel and unconscionable process of my entire trip - must stand outside on the tarmac, in the Sun…and wait for the door to the pit of hell to be opened. Old people, women with little children…all must stand there as if waiting outside a one toilet outhouse.
It is wrong and must be changed immediately…it is below TCI to allow such a thing.
Additionally, this process is utterly brainless. You leave Jamaica or Dominican Republic, you’ve passed through security with all the useless, idiotic processes…you deplane for transit and must have your handhelds scanned again, for what: the Bazooka you bought in duty free?
Once you make it into the departure lounge - your spleen and patience stretched to the limit - there aren’t enough seats, the air is stale, everything costs $11 dollars…and they’ve rented out every corner of the departure lounge like a ghetto fairground for retail tourist trap shops!
Then…you are marched out to walk in the Sun…the 40 years in the wilderness to find the land of Canaan, to get to the plane.
Again, the flight is pleasant the staff are sweet and lovely and the views are divine…except for the mattress sized TV in my case!
One lands at Nassau and the torture begins anew: mainly you must walk to Gethsemane, across the isles of Patmos, down Berma Road to get to immigration. I denounce this as idiocy, cruelty and stupidity. Why should you suffer thus in your own country with a design so clueless about human comfort?
Whether is supposed to spur innovation. Denmark has bad weather, as does Finland, Sweden, Switzerland so that motivated them toward innovation as a means of cultivating comfort. We seem to just copy form anywhere (mostly Fort Lauderdale for Jesus sake), and force ourselves into their designs, which anticipates NOTHING about our actual lives.
In the Caribbean, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO WALK OUTSIDE TO GET INTO A PLANE!
If cooling the plane and gangways is expensive…why isn’t that our first innovation with solar power to ensure comfort and convenience in planeing and deplaneling?
In principle, the hotter it is outside, the cooler the gangway and the plane would be, without adding to energy costs!
It’s specific, measurable, small scale and if it works, everyone would copy us….AND I LIKE THAT!
During COVID I travelled to Dubai. Upon landing, there must have been 20-30,000 people from the various arrivals.
In minutes the airport lines were gone!
Why?
Cause dey fast?
Their hands don’t move any faster than ours.
No! They did something before they built the airport: they committed to eliminating lines as part of an ambition to build a spectacular airport in which the first consideration was HUMAN COMFORT!
How can we claim to be hospitality destinations when domestic and inter-Caribbean travel is wretched, stupid, cruel and demotic?
“Charity begins…”, y’all been to Sunday school….!
